I love hugs...

I love hugs.  Real hugs, with two arms, that last more than one second.  

Before relocating, I could count on at least 5 hugs (minimum) every Sunday and Wednesday at church, along with random hugs from friends in between.   

A few of the folks I could always count on getting hugs from

And…I had my sweet Zorah to cuddle with! 

I knew you would want to see her sweet face...

I’ve read a couple of things online (probably on Facebook) saying that we should get about 10 hugs a day, and that would suit me just fine.  But…I have never just hugged random people…and I don’t really have people here that I’m on a hugging basis with so... my “hug tank” is pretty empty. 

God has been uncovering some pain – that I thought was healed and gone – in the last couple of weeks and, to be honest, I could really use a hug. :/  I said as much to a good friend last night via text and she replied “I guess God will have to hug you.”  I agreed, and that was, pretty much, the end of that.  

This morning, I go to school, prepare my classroom and go out to the small play area that we have for the preschool class.  Immediately, one child comes up to ask for justice in a dispute over a toy (even though there were two other teachers out there before I came on the scene) so I went to handle it.  Then another child, with another issue…I started praying for peace in our preschool and just said “God, please don’t let this be how this whole day will go.”  A little while later, one of the children runs up to give me a hug.  After that, another child runs up to hug me…and another…at one point I had three children hugging me simultaneously.

I never asked God “can you please send someone to hug me?”  I didn’t really talk to God specifically about hugs at all…I just mentioned to a friend that I really could use a hug…and God sent me some of the sweetest hugs possible.   :)  BTW - I’m pretty sure that a hug from a child is just about as close as you can get to an actual hug from God.

This hug right here... (Cambodia - 2013)

As for this hurt that God has revealed to me…that I thought was over with and done.  I don’t know what else to call it because…it does hurt.  It is painful.  It’s old hurt, from a long time ago, that has been covered up and hidden away.  I would much rather just leave it just like that, covered up and hidden away, but...there’s God.   I have given my life over to God completely, my life is his and my heart belongs to him.  Anything that is hidden there (hidden so well that I don’t even know it’s there) is taking up space that belongs to HIM.  It is space that I have given him authority over…and, to be fair, I have asked him specifically to reveal any darkness that is hidden in my heart.  Anything that is in my heart; that has taken root in my life, that isn’t from God…well, it is taking up space that HE could be taking up. 

If someone gave me a house – not to just live in for a while, but for me to own…I would go through and examine every room.  I wouldn’t leave old rotting boxes in the attic, I would throw them out.  I wouldn’t leave the old stained carpet on the floor; I would tear it up and replace it!  In the same way, God will not allow these things to stay hidden in my heart; simply because his love for me is too great.  He wants me to be totally free and completely healed.  So, even though he knows it will be painful for me to uncover this hurt and face it, he also knows that HE will have more space in my life once the “trash” is gone.  I have given God my whole life and I am dedicated to overcoming any of the old darkness that may still have a root in my heart or in my mind.  

I remember, not very long ago, when I was new to this whole “relationship with God” thing and I used to look forward to a time when I would be done working on all my problems.  I daydreamed about reaching a point in my life where all my issues were resolved and I never got upset anymore or felt sad.  Then one day I realized that if I ever reached *that* point, that I would be in heaven!  I had gotten this idea that being a “good Christian” meant that I wouldn’t have pain or upset or problems…surely I experienced those things because I wasn’t living the right way…not trusting God enough (no lie…I really thought this).  But eventually, I came out of that mindset (thankfully) and realized that having a relationship with God doesn’t remove all the hurt, pain and uncertainty from my life…but it does give me peace when I am experiencing those things.  

I have realized that we are like onions…there are all these layers going deeper and deeper.  Pain, especially pain that was repetitive, isn’t just all stored in one neat little box that you can take out, deal with, and be done.  It is dealt with in layers, one after the other.  I have also realized that even when you think you have dealt with the deepest layer, there can be even more hidden away; and that can be frustrating.  But... I want to think of it like this: there is gold under that deepest layer.  A treasure that is worth all the digging, hard work, sweat and tears…and eventually…I *will* reach that gold! 

And...God is gonna send some amazing hugs to help me along the way :)