Someone used to say to me (quite often) "life's not fair"... Maybe that is true, but this phrase takes on a more sinister meaning when it's being used by someone who is causing pain and "unfairness" on purpose. Being a bully and defending it with "life's not fair" is not...well, it's not fair.
But sometimes it seems like *life* is the bully. Just surviving it can take all you have...life can leave you beaten and bloody and huddled in a corner somewhere wondering what could possibly come next.
Tonight, during worship, I felt so totally unable to feel any connection with God. Nothing. It felt like there was this barrier when I would try to sing and every time the words of a song would speak of loving God...my eyes would fill with tears. Finally I was like, what is going on God? Why am I feeling this way? So torn, like I want to worship you, but can't. And why does any song about loving you make me start crying???
I sat for a little bit with my feelings (something that can be rather difficult) and then all the sudden had this huge realization. I suddenly felt this anger...not just irritation...but the huge anger that comes when something totally unjust has happened and you are left with these broken pieces of yourself. As soon as I found the anger I had this thought "how can I love God when I am so angry at him?"
It is surprising to me that I can have such a huge anger at God and not be constantly aware of it. It's like the screaming, sobbing, throwing things kind of anger. As soon as I found this anger, I kept hearing in my head "life's not fair" - a long time ago, those words came to mean this to me: anyone can do whatever they want to me and there is nothing I can do about it.
I used to believe that God was, at the very least, indifferent to my pain; and at the very worst... happy that I was hurting...that he was happy that "life's not fair". But here is the truth: God's heart is broken for the hurting. He does not choose some of us to throw to the wolves; turning his back as we are ripped apart over and over again...his heart breaks every time we are hurt and he weeps over our pain and the injustice of it.
Sin in this world creates so much pain. I still wish there was a better explanation for the "why" but this is it. Sin has corrupted some people's hearts so much that they do horrible things. And that hurts God...his heart aches for all the ones being hurt. There is more though...his heart also aches for the ones inflicting the pain. He wants to be able to comfort and heal both.
My anger is real, but it is misplaced. Some things should never happen, some things cause so much pain that it seems like it should be impossible...like it can't exist. If that doesn't make sense; I'm sorry but I can't explain it any other way. My anger is at the injustice...at the fact that such pain can even exist in reality. The good part is that God is big enough to handle my anger; the best part is that he loves me regardless. His love for me is not hinged on my love for (or lack of anger at) him.
Life's not fair...but God is amazing! He is all powerful and can heal even the pain that seems impossible. More importantly...He WILL heal even the impossible pain. I am thankful for his healing and redeeming power.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Making sensory bottles
This week has been great! When I first came here, I had some ideas for items I wanted to have in my classroom - but these last 3 1/2 months have flown by and all the extras were forgotten. This really has been such a huge adjustment...and I feel like my life is finally settling into a routine :) so...this week I got started on one of those things I had planned back before arriving here in Tanzania.
First I raided the craft supplies that we have at school. I brought home anything I thought I could use. I grabbed plastic beads, pipe cleaners, some sequins...and then while I was digging through one box... I found GLITTER! I snagged some toy dinosaurs from the preschool playroom and also found some foam alphabet stickers. My plan was to make some awesome Sensory Bottles (I've also heard them called Exploration Bottles and Discovery Bottles).
A friend gave me enough empty water bottles to complete one for each of my students and I got started!
I picked through the beads and sequins to make a red bottle and a blue bottle. I also made a couple of bottles with only 2 or 3 colors in them, but the rest were just random colors. I added at least a handful of beads to each bottle to add to the movement and colors.
One great thing about the beads is, as they move around in the bottle you can hear and feel them hitting each other or the bottle - which addes to the enjoyment for the kids.
I knew the dino bottles would be a favorite for all the kids! I made four different bottles with dinosaurs in them, two with rice and two with water. These dinosaurs are perfect because they are small and flexible, so I was able to squeeze them into the bottle opening!
Most of the bottles are filled with water, but I wanted to do a few with rice as well. I may go back later and use colored rice, but I wanted to make the bottles now (not later) and I know dying the rice would take some time. I want to share a little about the rice bottles because I had some problems with them and after a few different tries I think I got the hang of it.
After a couple of bottles that didn't work at all because they were too full...and then because I had too many dinosaurs and they couldn't move easily, then another that I didn't like because it was only dinos and no color... Here is what I came up with.
I put a little rice in the bottom...
and then I added some dinosaurs...
I alternated adding a couple of inches of rice and a couple of dino toys.
I stopped with a few inches of room left and it was perfect! The rice can move, and with a little work the kiddos will be able to search for dinosaurs and "eggs" :) I like the colored beads being in the bottle and I think the kids will love counting the dino eggs :)
For the water filled bottles, I did so many variations. I especially like the ones with the "snow" confetti in it. I found some super chunky "opalescent" glitter and it made me think of snow. When I put it in the bottles with water it made a cool effect. It's bigger than the other glitter so, instead of rushing to the top or bottom of the bottle, it drifts slowly through the water.
I used these fun foam alphabet stickers in a few of the bottles. They are really tiny, and I was worried about how I would get the glue off the back without messing up the sticker (and honestly I was not looking forward to spending a bunch of time "de-stickying" so many small stickers) but the good news is the African heat had dried out the glue anyway...all I had to do was remove the paper back and voila...no sticky :)
Here is an example of one of the water filled bottles; they were super easy and fast. I added the glitter, and then the beads and other items. I used a funnel and added lots of the chunky glitter, but with the regular glitter I used maybe a 1/4 a teaspoon and no funnel.
I used filtered water in my second batch, because the tap water seemed a little cloudy in some of the first bottles. I filled the water almost all the way to the top and then (after drying the outside) glued the lid on. I used Elmer's glue because that's all I have, but I am going to look for some super glue to have on hand in case the Elmer's doesn't hold.
Some of the items I used were:
Pipe cleaners - corkscrew around a pen, expand it a little & cut them short - they're perfect!
Colored straws cut into approximately 1/2 inch lengths
Sequins of all colors, shapes & sizes
Plastic beads - again...all shapes, colors & sizes
Plastic dinosaurs (fun!)
Lots of glitter!
Pom poms - the colorful ones you buy at the craft store for kid's crafts
I tried feathers and they did not work out at all. I was hoping it might look cool and kind of fan out (you know, like your hair does in the pool) once it got in the water...but it looked...well, like a wet feather.
One last tip: don't use the super fine glitter. The small glitter worked fine, but the super tiny glitter clumps up in the water and doesn't mix well no matter what :/
So - that's a lot of pictures - but here are the best ones! My kids playing with the bottles :) They LOVED them!!! Some of the kids sat on the floor and rolled the bottle back and forth with a friend. The bottles were definitely a hit!!!
I am so pleased that I was able to make these without even having to go to the store...or wait for any supplies from America! Everything I needed was available because people have brought craft supplies to our school in the past! Now...for my next project I might need some things from America...still working on that :)
First I raided the craft supplies that we have at school. I brought home anything I thought I could use. I grabbed plastic beads, pipe cleaners, some sequins...and then while I was digging through one box... I found GLITTER! I snagged some toy dinosaurs from the preschool playroom and also found some foam alphabet stickers. My plan was to make some awesome Sensory Bottles (I've also heard them called Exploration Bottles and Discovery Bottles).
A friend gave me enough empty water bottles to complete one for each of my students and I got started!
I picked through the beads and sequins to make a red bottle and a blue bottle. I also made a couple of bottles with only 2 or 3 colors in them, but the rest were just random colors. I added at least a handful of beads to each bottle to add to the movement and colors.
One great thing about the beads is, as they move around in the bottle you can hear and feel them hitting each other or the bottle - which addes to the enjoyment for the kids.
I knew the dino bottles would be a favorite for all the kids! I made four different bottles with dinosaurs in them, two with rice and two with water. These dinosaurs are perfect because they are small and flexible, so I was able to squeeze them into the bottle opening!
Most of the bottles are filled with water, but I wanted to do a few with rice as well. I may go back later and use colored rice, but I wanted to make the bottles now (not later) and I know dying the rice would take some time. I want to share a little about the rice bottles because I had some problems with them and after a few different tries I think I got the hang of it.
I put a little rice in the bottom...
I alternated adding a couple of inches of rice and a couple of dino toys.
I stopped with a few inches of room left and it was perfect! The rice can move, and with a little work the kiddos will be able to search for dinosaurs and "eggs" :) I like the colored beads being in the bottle and I think the kids will love counting the dino eggs :)
For the water filled bottles, I did so many variations. I especially like the ones with the "snow" confetti in it. I found some super chunky "opalescent" glitter and it made me think of snow. When I put it in the bottles with water it made a cool effect. It's bigger than the other glitter so, instead of rushing to the top or bottom of the bottle, it drifts slowly through the water.
I used these fun foam alphabet stickers in a few of the bottles. They are really tiny, and I was worried about how I would get the glue off the back without messing up the sticker (and honestly I was not looking forward to spending a bunch of time "de-stickying" so many small stickers) but the good news is the African heat had dried out the glue anyway...all I had to do was remove the paper back and voila...no sticky :)
Here is an example of one of the water filled bottles; they were super easy and fast. I added the glitter, and then the beads and other items. I used a funnel and added lots of the chunky glitter, but with the regular glitter I used maybe a 1/4 a teaspoon and no funnel.I used filtered water in my second batch, because the tap water seemed a little cloudy in some of the first bottles. I filled the water almost all the way to the top and then (after drying the outside) glued the lid on. I used Elmer's glue because that's all I have, but I am going to look for some super glue to have on hand in case the Elmer's doesn't hold.
Some of the items I used were:Pipe cleaners - corkscrew around a pen, expand it a little & cut them short - they're perfect!
Colored straws cut into approximately 1/2 inch lengths
Sequins of all colors, shapes & sizes
Plastic beads - again...all shapes, colors & sizes
Plastic dinosaurs (fun!)
Lots of glitter!
Pom poms - the colorful ones you buy at the craft store for kid's crafts
I tried feathers and they did not work out at all. I was hoping it might look cool and kind of fan out (you know, like your hair does in the pool) once it got in the water...but it looked...well, like a wet feather.
One last tip: don't use the super fine glitter. The small glitter worked fine, but the super tiny glitter clumps up in the water and doesn't mix well no matter what :/
So - that's a lot of pictures - but here are the best ones! My kids playing with the bottles :) They LOVED them!!! Some of the kids sat on the floor and rolled the bottle back and forth with a friend. The bottles were definitely a hit!!!
I am so pleased that I was able to make these without even having to go to the store...or wait for any supplies from America! Everything I needed was available because people have brought craft supplies to our school in the past! Now...for my next project I might need some things from America...still working on that :)
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