This post got a bit more vulnerable than I expected... but I'm still sharing it.
Here lately I have found myself sharing a verse that brings me comfort: Isaiah 46:10. This verse says "Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish" (NLT...cuz that's the version Bible my friend bought for me when I became friends with Jesus...so that's the one I usually memorize lol)
This verse comforts me in moments when I feel sad or overwhelmed or just uncertain about where I'm at in life, or what is to come. Let me say this up front - I LOVE my life...I am not sad or confused about my life and I couldn't be happier. If you've read any of my blogs, or have (pretty much) had any conversations with me...you know that God has completely transformed my life and I am beyond thankful for where my life is right now.
But... there are things I desire that I don't have. I want to be married, and I want a family and I desire these things a lot. Today, I was watching my sweet kiddos play and suddenly this thought popped into my head "will I ever get to watch my own kids play? Or will it always be other people's kids?" That's a tough question...one I've asked different versions of, many times.
I don't know the answer...I am hopeful that I will have my own family...but (obviously) I can't know the future. I believe without a doubt that I will be married one day...but I don't know about kids. That doesn't mean I won't have them...I have faith that God can do anything. But I can't answer this question.
So...when thoughts like that pop into my head - as they do more frequently as the years pass... I have a choice. I can focus on the unknown and the question - give in to sadness or longing... feel sorry for myself and angry that things haven't gone the way I wanted. Or... I can focus on the one thing I can be sure of without a doubt. God has a plan for my life.
I've gone through a lot of pain and sadness in the past, getting to a point where I can truly, honestly say that I am willing to follow God's plan for my life - even if it doesn't seem to be bringing the things that I so desire. I have reached a point where I can say, with confidence, that no matter where God leads me and no matter what He has planned for my future...I will follow, and have joy! I know this because I have found that when I follow Him, there is always joy. Not that there is never sadness...but there is always joy!
Sometimes, sadness creeps in. I look around and it's easy to feel rather alone at times. I'm aware that I'm not alone in this...I'm not the only 30-something single woman wondering why on earth I'm not married yet...or wondering if I will ever hold a baby in my arms that I don't have to hand off to someone else... I'm not the only one to shed tears over this...but it can feel like it at times. Thankfully the moments when sadness comes are infrequent...and don't usually last long...but they come.
The only comfort I have found is in the knowledge that God loves me...He loves me so much...and He wants good things for me. That is something I can rely on no matter where I am in life. I have found limitless joy in following Him and allowing Him to transform me more and more into the person HE says I am and I know that the joy will continue as I continue working with Him to transform my life even more!
I have no idea when I will be married (I have an abundance of faith for this...I just have no clue when, where, who...all the questions) and I have no idea if I will have my own children... but I *do* know that God has a plan for my life, and whatever He has planned...will come to pass... and even though that plan may seem to me as if it's not matching up with my plan at all...I can know that it's good.
I can't put my trust in the unknown...but I can put my trust in the One who knows...He made plans for my life before the first human walked the earth...and He always makes good plans.
