A little more...

I posted on Facebook the other day about missing home.  I felt like God wanted me to share a little more about that.  I post the happy, fun things…but not all the tears.  And I don’t think God necessarily wants me to post *all* the tears – but I did feel like, with this, he is telling me to share a little more.  I was really struggling emotionally over the Thanksgiving holiday.  I cried…a lot.  My eyes were sore from all the crying, and my heart ached.  You know that pain that you have in your heart when you are grieving…that is what I was feeling.  I was just feeling like I would give anything to be able to hug some people…to be able to stay up late talking and watching a movie and laughing…and I would still love to do those things. 

But…someone emailed me saying they were praying for me (I always appreciate that) and when I was writing the reply…I started writing about how I know that this is where God wants me right now.  How I know in my heart that I am walking out the plan that he has for my life at this time.  I was also sharing how I believe, more than ever, that God has plans for me here long term…that it’s not just for these 10 months but for much longer…and how that is exciting and a bit overwhelming all at the same time.  The point I am getting to is this: as I wrote that reply…I was being reminded of the things that God has spoken to me and the promises that he has shown me in my life and I felt this renewed sense of purpose.  The pain I was feeling faded away and was replaced with this surge of joy and excitement and wonder over what God has done in my life and where he has brought me.  I know I have mentioned so many times how God has changed my life, but if you could see how my life used to be and compared to what it is now…it is more than amazing to me.  But that’s another story…

So…while I am still very much missing some people and would be so thrilled to be able to see them…I also could not be happier than I am right now.  I think that the grieving process is normal, and a part of any life change this big.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with the emotions I have been feeling.   I think I have shared a little before that I have struggled with this idea in my mind that if I had a good enough relationship with God then I wouldn’t have “negative” emotions…only good ones.  I am learning from this to drop even more of my religious ideas (that I don’t’ even realize are there most of the time) that if I’m doing this “Christian thing” right…I won’t feel sad or down or lonely or have that awful ache in my heart. 

Life is an amazing adventure as long as you are breathing…I had this same view of life before I moved halfway across the globe.  I am so thankful that I get to experience this adventure with the joy that only God can provide…and I am thankful that he is there to comfort me when my heart hurts.  I am thankful that he is helping me to let go of the things that have gotten in the way of me having a deeper relationship with him.  :)