Relationships...

I have been a bit down the last few days.  I miss my friends:  going to movies with them and sharing popcorn…going to the same restaurant every Sunday after church…and group texts that get out of control way too fast (60 text notifications…sound familiar?)  As much as I miss all those things – what I am missing the most right now are the relationships I shared with a couple of people who know me so well that they could tell if something wasn’t “right” even through a text where I say everything is fine. 

I miss having someone, close by, who has known me so long that I don’t even have to say what’s on my mind really – and she knows what’s going on.  And God has been talking to me about that.  I have spent years – almost half of my life – building relationships with these people…and they are typically the ones that I turn to when anything is not going right.  They are the first ones that I think about when something exciting and wonderful happens.  They have supported me and stood next to me during some very dark times in my life with love and truthfulness (which sometimes felt like the opposite of love to me)  :)

 So when I miss that connection that I have with them…and to be fair we still have the connection…but we can’t talk like we used to... God reminds me that he is here and I can come to him with those things that I want to take to them.  What I want is the comfort of those bonds and the trust that I have built in those relationships.  What God wants is for me to come to him and receive the comfort that he has for me.  But it’s hard.  I don’t fully understand why it’s so hard but it is. 

My prayer lately has been for me to desire to spend time with him…because I don’t really that much.  I get busy with…life…and then it’s late.  It’s bed time and I still have stuff I needed/wanted to do and didn’t and another day is gone.  I keep having these thoughts about how I have spent years and years growing my relationship with some people and how my desire to spend time with them is great…  and then I think about my desire to spend time with him…and how not-great it is. 

But…if I compare it with what it used to be…well, I cannot think of words (which is astounding I know) to describe the increase.  I have only been friends with Jesus for about 6 years now…  and thinking about that…it fills me with  joy and excitement to see what my desire for him will be like in coming years!! 

I know that missing my friends is part of this journey that God is taking me on.  As happy as I am to be where he has me…the friends I have spent so much time with aren’t here and it’s normal to be missing them some.  But I know that another part of this journey is learning to lean into him and see him more and more as my father, who will provide all my needs, no matter what.  And while parts of learning to trust him more are difficult…the end result will be amazing!

I am forever thankful for the relationship that I have with Jesus and for the amazing people (there are too many to name) that he has brought into my life.