Relationships take work...

I'm reading this book...well, I'm reading lots of books right now.  Actually...I stopped and counted... I am actively reading 5 books currently.  Well, not at this very moment (obviously) ;)  you know what I mean...

So I'm reading this book and taking this class at my church and it's actually about marriage...but I figured  "hey...I plan to be married one day so...I'm down."  The first class was tonight and this is my take-away from it: Relationships require work.  Love requires work. 

I see that and think...well...obviously.  No relationship just happens.  In order for people to be "in a relationship" there must be sort of connection.  This book points out how at the beginning of a relationship...you make a specific effort to make time for the other person.  You might sacrifice time that was previously spent doing something else to spend time getting to know this other person. 

Unfortunately, once you get comfortable with the relationship...you can start to take it for granted.  Maybe not set aside so much time for that person.  Maybe you don't make so many sacrifices.  The point is that in order to have a healthy marriage, you must continue putting effort, work into the relationship.  You must continue making time for your spouse whether you are just married...or you've been together for 20 years.

Now... Here is what's on my mind tonight.  Reading all that and listening to it.  My mind says - yeah, we all know.  Love doesn't just happen.  Love is a choice that we make.  I know all this...it makes sense...
But then...driving home I was thinking of something.

I struggle to spend time with God.  I will think about how I want to do that...spend time alone with God everyday, read my Bible...  But then I don't do it.  I just don't make time. 
So...I was talking to God about this on my way home and I realized...I am basically just waiting for it to happen.  Waiting for the day when I wake up and suddenly just have such a strong desire to spend time with God that I do it. 

But how is that any different than not putting any effort into  relationship and expecting it to grow and thrive? 

So here is another example...
Say there's a guy who is interested in me...he is going to make an effort to talk to me, get to know me...   If I am interested in this man... am I going to remain silent?  Or am I going to make an effort to talk to him and get to know him?

Obviously I am going to make an effort.  I am going to talk to him and spend time getting to know him.  It is a choice that I make...it doesn't happen on accident.  So...why don't I do that with God?

An obvious answer could be that it's easier to make time for a human that I can see and audibly hear...but God is no less real.  He is speaking to me.  He makes an effort to engage me daily, and I do talk to Him daily...but I don't stop and spend time with Him.  He wants me to stop what I am doing sometimes and just sit with Him. 

In many ways...I still consider myself a "baby" Christian.  I have been friends with Jesus for about...7 years now.  I've said it before...but it's worth repeating... my life has been transformed since I started a relationship with Jesus.  And the transformation continues...

All from a tree...

Sometimes I feel like God speaks some pretty profound words through some not-so-profound situations/things. Today I was driving down a road that I walk every morning and I noticed something for the first time. There are these trees...who knows how old they are but they aren't young...and they have barbed wire through them. At some point, a barbed wire fence was swallowed by these trees and even though the fence is no longer there (in its original form at least) these pieces of barbed wire are a part of these trees now.

That image stuck with me the rest of the night. These trees are still living...still growing...still producing new leaves, new branches and seeds to create new trees...basically - these trees are still doing what God created them to do - they are are being trees. 

The barbed wire is still there...sticking out  and visible - but it doesn't prevent the tree from fulfilling its purpose as a tree.  I've had lots of "barbed wire" in my life - things that were painful and scarring. Some of those scars you can see with your eyes, but most you can't. The scars you can see don't bother me anymore...I honestly forget they are even there unless someone asks...but the invisible scars...those are the ones that still impact on my life on a daily basis. 

I used to believe that the damage created by that "barbed wire" had changed me in such a way as to make me incapable of some things...that it prevented me from being a certain way, or from having some things in my life.  But, just like those trees that continued growing in spite of the barbed wire, remained whole in spite of the barbed wire, and continued to fulfill their purpose as trees...in spite of the barbed wire... I have learned that in spite of the barbed wire in my life - I am still fully capable of fulfilling every purpose that God has placed inside of me. I am fully capable of being the person that God created me to be. 

All the lies that were rooted in my heart as a result of that barbed wire from my past had me convinced that I would never be able to give or receive love - and look at my life now. I LOVE with my whole heart and have amazing relationships with so many people.  Another lie was that I would never be happy/have joy - but my life is so filled with joy.  I love my life...I am so stinking happy!!  I won't list all the lies...but each one is just as false as the last. 

Basically...those trees just have me thinking of how - no matter what the barbed wire is in my life - no matter how bad a thing hurt in the past or hurts me now - I am still able to walk in and fulfill the destiny that God has planned out for my life. Nothing will keep me from that as long as I am keeping my eyes on him. No matter what pain you have had, or have now, nothing disqualifies you from God's plan for your life. 

I met someone...

Wow... it's hard to believe that I have already been back here in beautiful Tanzania for a month!! Life truly does fly by us, doesn't it?

So...you may (or may not) remember me mentioning my flights back home to Tanzania and that I met some amazing people. I had posted on Facebook about one woman in particular, and (finally) I want to share more about her. This is a long one guys...but it's worth it. God is amazing!

I had just finished rushing through the Dallas airport, praying I would make my 14 hour flight to Doha, Qatar. Walking down the aisle between seats, I stepped on the hem of a gown worn by the Muslim woman walking in front of me. In my mind I was like “oh no... did I just offend her? It's probably rude for me to even touch her gown and I just stepped on it with my dirty shoe.” I apologized and she said it was ok, and we kept moving. I get to my seat only to find someone in it. Someone wanted to trade their middle seat (between two seats) for my window seat, but...I wanted my window seat. An attendant had walked up and was telling the person they would have to move if I wanted my seat. I felt stuck...I wanted this other person to be comfortable...but I wanted to be comfortable too... and then I heard a voice say “the seat next to me is empty”.

I look over and it's the woman who's gown I stepped on. She is in a middle seat, and the aisle seat (which is truly my preference) is empty. I had this quick internal dialogue... what if she is mad at me for stepping on her... but then, why would she offer the seat next to her... what if this is awkward or I feel weird??

Let me stop here for a second and share something. I have encountered more Muslim people while living in Tanzania than I ever have in the U.S. and this has made me increasingly aware of some fears and anxieties that I had regarding Muslims. I have heard many negative things, and I have never had a close relationship with anyone who was Muslim. Towards the end of the school year (2014/2015) I prayed one simple prayer about this. I was swinging at school and I just said “God...I don't want to be scared of someone because they are different than me. Help me with this, help me to love people no matter how we are different from one another.” Now...back to the airplane.

I agree to the switch and take my amazing aisle seat (what a blessing). I'm getting situated...putting things away...and I pull on her gown again – now I'm thinking “great, she must think I'm so rude...why can't I be more careful!!” Now...seriously...if I had stepped on the hem of a woman's skirt...and then later accidentally pulled on her blouse while getting settled...I wouldn't have been happy about it but I wouldn't have been so anxious either. I was immediately worried that she would be mad at me just because I didn't look like her. I actually had a thought that she probably didn't like me because she probably thought that I wasn't dressed appropriately and she surely wouldn't like me because I was clumsy AND not covered enough (just being honest guys).

She starts talking to me (maybe she's not mad after all?) and asking me “where are you headed...what do you do?” I answer her "I'm a volunteer teacher, I'm headed to Tanzania...I'm a missionary, I teach at a Christian school."  Here comes another judgment... when I tell her that I'm a missionary and teach at a Christian school I think “now she won't like me for sure...” But she keeps talking to me as if she couldn't care less that I am a Christian. I find out that someone took her seat as well...small world, right?  Then she tells me... she too is a teacher... a volunteer teacher...a missionary like me...only for Islamic schools. She is my age...she is single (like me) and here is the kicker... she taught in Africa too... in Tanzania!!! WHAT??? We are like...the same.

We continue talking...and talk away the first 2 hours of the flight (you all know I can talk!) and learn even more things that we have in common. And from the moment we began talking...my fear and anxiety just left; and God started reminding me of my prayer at the swings. My new friend shared with me some information about Islam...but mostly she shared with me her heart for loving others.

During the flight, an attendant was giving out drinks. She asked what we would like and then made a comment something along the line of how it's nice to travel with a good friend and then asked how long my seat-mate and I had been friends. I said “oh...we just met on this flight” She seemed surprised and said “wow...that is beautiful.”

You know what? It is beautiful. It's beautiful that I can meet this woman who is my sister...all because God has laid it out. How amazing that this beautiful woman, with her kind heart and giving spirit is an instrument in answering my appeal to God to help me just love. Help me not to look at a person and see “Muslim” or any other label for that matter...help me to look at every person and just see what God sees. I am thankful for this life-changing meeting. I am thankful for this new friend, this new sister. I pray that we will stay connected and that – God willing - I will see her in person again one day. I am truly blessed.

Relationships...

I have been a bit down the last few days.  I miss my friends:  going to movies with them and sharing popcorn…going to the same restaurant every Sunday after church…and group texts that get out of control way too fast (60 text notifications…sound familiar?)  As much as I miss all those things – what I am missing the most right now are the relationships I shared with a couple of people who know me so well that they could tell if something wasn’t “right” even through a text where I say everything is fine. 

I miss having someone, close by, who has known me so long that I don’t even have to say what’s on my mind really – and she knows what’s going on.  And God has been talking to me about that.  I have spent years – almost half of my life – building relationships with these people…and they are typically the ones that I turn to when anything is not going right.  They are the first ones that I think about when something exciting and wonderful happens.  They have supported me and stood next to me during some very dark times in my life with love and truthfulness (which sometimes felt like the opposite of love to me)  :)

 So when I miss that connection that I have with them…and to be fair we still have the connection…but we can’t talk like we used to... God reminds me that he is here and I can come to him with those things that I want to take to them.  What I want is the comfort of those bonds and the trust that I have built in those relationships.  What God wants is for me to come to him and receive the comfort that he has for me.  But it’s hard.  I don’t fully understand why it’s so hard but it is. 

My prayer lately has been for me to desire to spend time with him…because I don’t really that much.  I get busy with…life…and then it’s late.  It’s bed time and I still have stuff I needed/wanted to do and didn’t and another day is gone.  I keep having these thoughts about how I have spent years and years growing my relationship with some people and how my desire to spend time with them is great…  and then I think about my desire to spend time with him…and how not-great it is. 

But…if I compare it with what it used to be…well, I cannot think of words (which is astounding I know) to describe the increase.  I have only been friends with Jesus for about 6 years now…  and thinking about that…it fills me with  joy and excitement to see what my desire for him will be like in coming years!! 

I know that missing my friends is part of this journey that God is taking me on.  As happy as I am to be where he has me…the friends I have spent so much time with aren’t here and it’s normal to be missing them some.  But I know that another part of this journey is learning to lean into him and see him more and more as my father, who will provide all my needs, no matter what.  And while parts of learning to trust him more are difficult…the end result will be amazing!

I am forever thankful for the relationship that I have with Jesus and for the amazing people (there are too many to name) that he has brought into my life.