Nothing is impossible

I have wanted to make a blog post for two days now…but when I stop to think “what will I write?” the answer is…”I don’t know.”  So I am just going to start typing and see what comes out…

The thoughts that keep rolling around in my mind over and over have to do with how much I need God…how very necessary my relationship with him is.  How only HE can take the pieces of a shattered life and create something entirely new and unbelievable.  How only HE can take someone totally broken and (seemingly) worthless and recreate their life.  But what is the one necessary “ingredient” that only we (as that broken, “worthless” person) have to put into it?  Willingness. 

So…when is it too late?  How far is “too far”?  Where is the cut-off?  When does God stomp his foot at us and say “that’s it…I’m done with you.”?  What sin pushes it over the edge and makes us so bad that God will turn away in disgust and refuse to forgive us?  I used to believe I was there…too far gone, but God has dramatically changed my life…so who can he *not* do that for?

I heard someone talk this weekend about “nothing is impossible” and how that relates to people.  He talked about the value and destiny in each person’s life.  At first I thought “yeah, that’s good” and then I felt God asking me if there was anyone that I didn’t feel that way about.  At first I was like “no!  I believe that all people are valuable and that everyone has a destiny”, but I kept feeling God pushing me on that question.  Then I thought of someone.  And my first reaction was “God, that’s not fair…you know how  that person is and that they won’t ever change”.  I felt God ask me…”so what if they don’t…do you believe they have a destiny to fulfill…a purpose...value?”

Wow…it really hurt to see what anger and bitterness (that I honestly thought I had dealt with) towards a person has done in my heart.  When someone hurts you repeatedly…it’s instinct to shut them out and protect yourself…and, just to be clear,  I would never imply that God doesn’t want us to protect ourselves from physical harm.  But there is this deeper thing that happens, without us even making an effort we make these determinations about that person.  They are ________ (fill in the blank…worthless, bad, never going to change, not worth my time, mean, horrible, evil).  And then our heart becomes hardened towards them.  I’m sure I am not the only one who has walked down this road…so I probably can stop there with how we start to feel about that person.

So…this person that God keeps bringing up to me…can I love them?  Pray for them?  Truly, honestly desire good things for them?  Pray for them to know how much God loves them…and mean it?  I can, but it hurts.  Why does it hurt my heart so much?  I think it’s because I have used this anger and bitterness to cover up the hurt that I felt, and when I allow God’s love for that person to come into my heart…the hurt that I never fully dealt with is uncovered.  I know that only God can heal that hurt…and I know that he will as I continue to hand it over to him.

I will be honest, there is a part of me that wants to stomp my foot (well…throw an all-out fit is more like it) and tell God “it’s not fair to ask me to love that person.  It’s not fair…why did you have to uncover this?  Why couldn’t it just stay there…it wasn’t hurting anyone!”  True…it wasn’t hurting the one who hurt me…but God loves me so much that he is unwilling to leave these things covered up…things that I didn’t even know were there.  Like I said, I thought I had dealt with the anger and bitterness…I thought it was gone…but he showed me a hidden area that had taken root in my heart.  It wasn’t affecting my daily life…wasn’t making me sad or angry or depressed or anything at all…but he loves me *too much* to just leave it.  It’s like infection that has come in after a surgery…it’s small…contained…not affecting much of anything, but eventually it will grow and take ground…invading everything around it.

So I come all the way back to what I started with…what do I have to “do” for God to change my life?  I have to take his outstretched hand and agree to follow him…even when it’s painful.  I have to agree to partner with him and seek HIM first, above all other things.  Someone once said to me “God is a gentleman, he will never force you.”  I believe that God wants amazing things for every single one of us…he has a breath-taking destiny and JOY for each of us…but he will not force us to walk in it, he gives us a choice.  And one last thing…the answer to “when is it too late, too much?”; it’s not…ever.  It’s never too late as long as you are still breathing and thinking.  God has his hand out, asking you to take it.  It’s never too late to accept his life altering love for you.